Heaven, Hell or Humanity?
by chamoon
Summary: This story takes place right after the season 9 finale, this is what I would love to see happening in season 10 - warning Destiel -Castiel, desperate by Dean's transformation tries everything he can to save him, even if it means give up everything he is. This is the story of the love of an angel for a human, ready to do anything to save him from his perdition despite pain and tears
1. Chapter 1 The Tears of an Angel

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything except the story, the characters and their universe, unfortunatly, are not mine.**

**Warning: Temporary character death, violence, swearing and mention of torture**

**There might be a sex scene M/M, not sure yet but you are warned.**

**Ratings could change.**

**I would like to thank my amazing Beta Reader, Cécilia, she does an awesome work and helps me a lot!**

**Enjoy!**

He was standing there, waiting for his followers to leave the room. He wanted some privacy. Seeing that their leader didn't seem to give them orders, they slowly, one by one, left the room, leaving Castiel alone with Metatron. Hannah was the last to go, giving him a worried look, the angel nodded, telling her quietly that everything was okay, she wasn't needed anymore.

Suddenly everything he'd hidden from his army slammed on him with such a strengh that he almost fell on his knees. He realized with a certain dread that he'd lost everything. He gently put his hands on his face burying it in them. A tear rolled on his cheek when he whispered with a broken voice: _Dean. _And then, he couldn't stop crying anymore. He didn't even try to stop, he'd lost everything he'd ever loved, everything he'd ever knew. _What was the point of it now? Why did he fall? _Nothing was making any sense now. _What was the point of __**anything? **_Castiel's entire world was crumbling, and he could feel his heart burn, though an angel wasn't supposed to feel. His pain felt real, too much real. He never would have thought that _feeling _would hurt so bad. Until now, he just didn't really know what feel meant. He just wanted to be an angel, so he wouldn't have to feel anymore. For once, he wanted to follow someone, he wanted someone to give a goal to his useless existance, now that the one who once did was gone. _Why would he want to fight for free will now that the one who gave him his freedom was dead? _Just thinking about it, imagining what life would be without Dean, it made him even sadder and the tears, like a river were running on his cheeks. The last look he had seen on Dean's face was a smile and it warmed his heart, because this smile had been destined to him, it was the last time they'd ever talked.

Metatron, who remained silent until now, started to laugh. Castiel realized he had forgotten the presence of this angel who tried to play god, and that he acted with emotion, like if he had been alone. But he wasn't. And that laugh was here to remind it to angel with the fading grace turned around to face him. He must have looked terrible, with his red and swollen eyes because the ex-god laughed even harder. Castiel felt the rage and hatred grow inside of him and he was ready to step inside the cage. He closed his eyes, remembering that whatever a prisonner could say, he could not leave his cage and the guard should resist to the temptation of opening the door.

- Come on Cas! Metatron exclaimed. I never would have thought that you would react like _that! _He's just one human! I mean, of course you love him more than anything and all that crap but... He's dead now. Dead. Burried. Gone. And you know, as well as I do that this time, he's not coming back. It might be time you realize it, angel. Your human was just a human. The righteous man maybe, but still human. And what do humans do? They _die._

Castiel stepped back, Metatron could have stabbed him with an angel blade, it would have hurt the same.

- Shut up, the angel groaned.

- What? Metatron replied. You don't like the sound of the truth? I mean seriously? You really thought you would be able to protect him your whole life? Oh sorry, the true term should be _his _whole life. Because he was meant to die before you. You know that, don't you? You are a celestial being, whatever feelings you might had for him, it would have done nothing but hurt you. Cas, you would have seen him grow old and then die, would you have liked it? You should actually thank me, I made you a favor.

- I told you to shut up, you son of a bitch! Castiel yelled.

The man who had played God grinned, proud of the impact his words had on the fallen angel. Castiel felt the urge to beat the hell out of Metatron, his hands were shaking, his head was aching. He just wanted him to pay for what he did to Dean. Seeing that Castiel wasn't far to break, Metatron added:

- Do you want me to tell you how he died? What kind of sounds he made when I plunged the blade in his stomach?

The angel clenched his fists and bit his lip so hard he could feel a distinct taste of blood in his mouth.

When two angels, alarmed by the noises and the yelling, came into the jail, Castiel found some integrity back. He walked between them and told them:

- Try to learn where my grace is. I give you my consent, you can do whatever you want to him. Just... Don't kill him, okay?

The members of his ex-army nodded, and didn't ask any question on Castiel's deplorable state. Matatron found wise to add, with his detestable voice:

- Cas, don't go! We were having such a nice talk! Come back later, so I can tell you the end of my story...

The angel ignored him and walked away, he didn't hear correctly the last words he said, something about Dean, again. He knew Metatron's plan from the beginning was to break him, that's why he hid his true weakness, but at the end, the scribe found out anyway. He wanted to break him, make him suffer? He couldn't have chosen a better way to do so. Now he was just wondering what he was, what was left for him, what would he be in the future? Was there still a future for him? He wasn't an angel, but he wasn't totally human either. He'd liked his humanity, but now it just seemed pointless. What would be humanity without Dean?

Suddenly, he realized he had forgotten Sam. He had to be in the same pain than him and he didn't even think about checking on him. Dean may be gone, Sam was still his friend and he couldn't leave him alone with this sadness. Although, he felt like he wasn't strong enough to face Sam's devasted look, a mirror of his own. The exact moment he was thinking about that, his phone rang. With an hesitation, he picked it up.

- Cas? You there? You okay? Sam's tired voice said on the other side of the line.

- I'm here, Sam, I'm fine, the angel answered.

- Good, because... There... There is something I need to tell you... You... You're not gonna like it...

- I know, Sam, I already know.

- Oh... There wasn't any surprise in Sam's voice, as he wasn't able to feel anything anymore. Metatron told you, right...?

- He did... Cas tried to keep his voice firm but it fell apart. But Sam... Is he really...?

- He's dead Cas, really dead. To be honnest, I tried to bring him back, I tried to call Crowley but... This son of a bitch won't answer... I don't... I just don't know...

- It's okay Sam, Cas tried to reassure. It's going to be okay...

- No it's not. I didn't go and see him for a while... I feel like... I can't. I can't _look at him _Cas... He's just... He's my brother and I can't do anything to save him... If you knew, he sacrificed everything for me... And I? What did **I **do? Nothing! Because I've never been able to save him... Do you know how this feels? It's... It's killing me.

- I know how it feels, and I know how you feel.

- I regret so much things... I've been such a jerk with him lately... And now he's gone and I realize... I realize there's not enough time... Life's too short for anger...

Castiel took a moment to answer, it felt like Sam wasn't really waiting for an answer, he just wanted to talk about how he felt to someone. The angel sighed, feeling another tear coming in his eye.

- Cas... Could you... Could you come at the bunker please...? Sam asked, with a trembling voice.

- Of course, he answered. I'm on my way, wait for me.

Sam hang up and Castiel found himself with an incredible apprehension. He wasn't ready to see Dean like that, he never would be, but he had to help Sam. They had to comfort each other or both of them would be too sad to be useful to anyone. Hearing Sam say his brother was dead had him tearing up, it made everything so much more real. Castiel had more and more doubts and questions, he was scared, for Dean. Dean could be dead, he would never stop being worried for him. The first reason why he wanted to be an angel was to look for Dean's soul in Heaven. In the same time, he didn't really want to be an angel, because he was afraid that he wouldn't find anything. It was his biggest fear, what if with the mark of Caïn, he didn't have access to Heaven anymore? He put himself together, he couldn't afford to have such thoughts now. First, he had to go check on Sam and make sure he didn't commit anything stupid, trying to bring his brother back.

He drove his way to the bunker, he knew he was going too slow but he didn't really care. The fact was that he didn't want to arrive too soon, he wanted the moment to never come. Though, when he noticed the small unevenness in the ground, characteristic of the entry of the boys' base, he figured he didn't have a choice and had to face the reality, as hard as it would be. He got out of the Pimpmobile and, with an infinite precaution, checked if there was any danger near the bunker. He crossed the road and knocked at the door, his heart was pounding in his chest, so hard, he thought for a second that it would go out of his body. It reminded him of this day he spent with Sam and Dean, chasing the man who made the cartoon become true in real life and he felt his stomach twist. This days were gone, and he could never live them again, Dean left this world, and with him, Castiel's happiness.

When Sam opened the door, Castiel looked up at him. His face was barely recognizable, his eyes were puffy, surrounded by dark circles and he looked like he hadn't slept for days. The angel figured he surely looked the same because the Winchester's eyes filled with compassion. When he spoke, Cas could clearly smell the amount of alcohol he'd probably drank all night.

- Cas... Come in.

His voice was so weak, the angel wasn't sure he heard it correctly. He stepped in, and Sam hugged him, holding him tight. They both held back the tears that were coming, they weren't alone in the pain and maybe, maybe there was still a chance that they could bring Dean back. When Castiel pulled away, Sam asked:

- You wanna see him? I haven't come in the room since yesterday and... I could use you being here, you know?

- I don't... I'm not sure... The angel started.

- It's okay, Sam assured.

Castiel followed him to Dean's room and when he stopped behind the door, he could smell something really strange. Something he didn't expect to find here. He stopped the hunter with his arm, motioning him to be quiet. The angel tried to concentrate. He swore he could hear voices, two people were talking. His heart crushed, he recognized Crowley's voice. He opened the door violently, causing Sam to jump. What they saw froze them. Crowley was seated in a corner of the room, looking at Castiel with surprise and Dean... Dean wasn't lying on the bed anymore. Dean faced Crowley, _seated_ on the bed. He looked up to Castiel and the angel could almost hear the sound of his own heart break. The man who was looking at him without any expression had an horrible face. The man who was looking at him without any _feeling _wasn't Dean anymore. What was facing wasn't even a man, it was a monster.


	2. Chapter 2 A Black Discovery

**Author's note:  
I'd like to thank all of you, my fellow readers! Thanks for the follows, favorites and the review! I also want to tank again my amazing Beta Reader, Cécilia!**

**I think I'll try to update the chapters once a week, especially the tuesdays/wednesdays.**

**This one is longer than the first but I can't tell you that the next one is going to be as long as this one, actually I don't know at all, I didn't think this one would be this long and it appeared to be way longer than I thought so... Whatever! Enjoy and please, don't forget to tell me your thoughts about the story, the ideas, or the grammar errors I could have made.**

**Enjoy!**

Castiel's breath got caught in his throat. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Sam, who couldn't see Dean's true face, yelled his name, trying to run toward him but the angel stopped him.

- Cas? What are you doing?

There was anger and incomprehension in Sam's voice. Castiel didn't answer, still in shock. Part of him was really happy to see Dean alive, and wanted to hope so much. But the other part of him was petrified and wanted all of this to just be a nightmare. The angel turned to Crowley, and rumbled:

- What did you do to him?

The demon put his hands up, in sign of innocence.

- I didn't do a damn thing, boy. The mark did it.

With some kind of qualm, Castiel looked back at Dean, started to move toward him, whispering his name once. The look he saw in the hunter's gaze made him want to step back, he wasn't welcomed any closer.

- Cas, what the hell is happening? What's wrong? Sam worried.

As an answer, Dean looked up at his brother and blinked. His eyes turned black and Castiel heard Sam exclaim of surprise, barely audible. The angel decided to give it another shot, maybe Dean was still in there and could be reached.

- Dean... Castiel tried to say but his voice broke.

The Winchester got up, staring at him, with so much wickedness in his eyes that Castiel couldn't do anything but swallow with difficulty. This wasn't possible, this couldn't be happening. It was a nightmare, a vision created by Metatron and he would get out of it. Dean wasn't a demon, and he wasn't dead. Everything would come back to normal. His hopes were washed away as soon as Dean spoke.

- What do you want?

His voice was full of... Something the angel couldn't really determinate, it seemed to come from the deepest of Earth, it sounded so dark, so far. It wasn't Dean's voice at all, and as Castiel was noticing the differences between _his _Dean and the monster standing in front of him, as his heart was breaking into even more pieces. He wanted to be brave though, maybe there was still a chance.

- Dean I... Do you remember anything?

He waited for the answer, and the time before it came seemed like an eternity to Castiel. He had so much hope, he wanted to believe the Dean he knew was still inside, that he could still be saved. They would firgure this out, like they always did. One more time, his thoughts were interrupted by Dean's deep voice.

- You mean, if I remember _you_, Castiel? The fallen angel who lost _everything _for _nothing_?

His heart skipped a beat, hearing Dean call him by his entire name hurt even more than the end of his sentence, he hadn't called him like that since they met, for as long as he could remember.

Sam, who didn't say a word for a while now, exclaimed:

- Who are you? What did you do to my brother?

- Oh, I'm not possessed Sammy, I am myself, and I feel more alive than ever! Dean declared.

The hunter didn't seem to care what his brother had to say, he started to recite an exorcism. Dean began to laugh, an hoarse and dark laughter.

- You can try anything you want on me, it's not going to work. Why would you want to change me, anyway? I feel good, I enjoy it.

- But Dean... Castiel started, did you even look at yourself? Can't you see what you... have became?

The Winchester tilted his head, smiled, baring his white teeth which seemed way too bright for the darkness that surrounded him. Because Dean's aura was as black as the pit, and his soul was now hidden from the angel's view.

- All I can say is that I hope I'm not as shinny as you are because... You are glowing, it's blinding. The hunter hissed, then he added: It's disgusting.

Castiel, saw red, it wasn't Dean who was talking, and he was more than ready to find his human back. He came forward, ready to fight. The demon snarled:

- Don't you dare make one more step, angel.

Let me see the mark, Dean, Castiel commanded, showing that what he was asking wasn't really an option.

**- Don't give me orders.**

The tone he used gave him chills. This version of Dean was way too powerful and creepy, he really didn't like it. It almost gave him the feeling he was more human than him. However, Castiel committed the mistake of insisting:

- Dean, you need to let me see it!

The hunter gripped the angel's coat collar and hurled him against the closest wall. Dean's force was so considerable that Castiel felt the stones crack in his back. An incredible pain passed through his head and for a moment, he wasn't able to hear or see anything. He panicked, he wasn't used to feel like that, he was supposed to be an angel, to be immunized against suffering. He thought he heard Sam's voice calling his brother, begging him to stop but he wasn't sure, his mind was pretty messy right now. He felt himself sliding down the wall but before he could have reached the floor, a strong hand seized his wrist and got him up brutally. When his head stopped spinning, he could see Dean's face, close to his, his mouth twisted into a snarl. When he spoke, his breath carressed his neck, but he knew there wasn't any kindness or love in his words.

- Who do you think you are? My guardian angel? You never were _anything _to me Castiel. Keep that in mind. Dean, you want to know how he liked you? Not like you _wished _he would. He could have ended up loving you the way you do, maybe, but do you wanna know something interesting? In case you hadn't guessed yet, he is _**dead**_. The Dean you knew is gone and now, I'm here, and I'm still Dean. Just not the one you expected.

- Dean please, leave him alone! Sam pleaded. I know you're still in there, somewhere.

- Oh Sammy... the demon sighed. If only you knew how this feels! This power, this strength... It's so... Demonically pleasant. You're wrong, you're so wrong. Do you seriously think I could return to this state you call "normal"? Do you think you are able to help me?

- I can try.

- Well, I suggest you don't. Because you know how I feel when I see you? When I remember our time together, our childhood?

- There was an uncomfortable silence, again and Sam waited feverishly for Dean to finish his speech.

- I feel _nothing _Sam. Absolutly _nothing. _When I look at you or at this feathered angel right there, I don't feel a damn thing. I don't love you, I don't respect you, I don't even appreciate you. And I like it. Plus, it's better this way and you know it. I hope both of you feel guilty, because you should. (The Winchester tightened Castiel's wrist harder, making him moan.) Do you think poor Dean became a demon like that, for no reason? You put him through so much, people making their own family suffer as much as you made him suffer shouldn't even be considered as family. He cared about both of you, and you betrayed him so many times. You didn't trust him, ever. You blamed him for everything he's done. He had so much contained rage inside of him, why are you even surprised he's became what I am? I was his biggest fear you know? Becoming the monster he was so afraid of. He became it, because I told him he would, he is _me _now, and it's all because of _you._

Sam's face fell apart. Castiel's heart ached as much as his whole body and grace. His eyes filled with tears but he held them back, he didn't want this monster to see him cry. He clenched his teeth, containing the rage rising inside him.

He wanted to fight back, he couldn't let this demon humiliate him that way, he was an angel of the lord, meant to be a warrior of God, but he felt so weak. He realized his grace was fading even faster than he thought, his death coming closer to him every second. Why didn't his body heal? Why did it hurt so much? What was worse, knowing that Dean was dead but his body kept torturing him mentally and physically, or understanding that nothing could save him?  
It was hard to look at Sam too, his "brother's" words seemed have hit him as much as him. He looked like he couldn't move anymore, like he was stunned.

- He never was strong enough to get rid of you, he was so dependent on both of you, murmured Dean. Now this has changed and if he never had the courage to kill you, I will.

On this words, he jumped on Crowley, without letting go of Castiel and grabbed the First Blade the king of Hell decided to keep so he wouldn't let Dean reach it too easily. It was a stupid plan, considering the hunter's rapidity. The angel, under Dean's control, trapped between the wall and the blade was suddently taken by a serious fear. Was he really going to kill him like they never shared anything together, like what they had lived didn't matter?

- Dean! Sam cried, but his brother didn't react.

Castiel didn't want to close his eyes, he didn't want it to be quick, he wanted to pay because he hadn't been able to help Dean from dying, and now he wasn't strong enough to save him. He remembered something he told him, few time after they met. "I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from Perdition." It sounded so dumb now, because he didn't raise him from anything and he didn't keep his Perdition away from him as he promised himself he'd do. When the Winchester raised his blade, Castiel peered into his eyes, trying to find the last ounce of humanity which was still there, in his look, he knew it. For a moment, he could levy Dean's green eyes, this beautiful eyes he had wanted to see one more time before he died. Deep down, where no one could go, there was this shinny soul, the righteous man's. Dean shot the blade down. Sam rushed to the angel. Crowley got up.  
For a moment, everything was going slow and an authoritarian voice sounded.

- **EN****OUGH!**

Dean stopped and looked at Crowley, confused. Why did he give him the order to let the angel leave? Castiel felt free to breath again, and closed his eyes. What happened to them? How had they come to this? The sadness submerged him and a tear almost escaped his eye. Sam approached Dean and tried to lay a hand on him.

- Drop the blade, please...

The Winchester's voice was full of emotions again. The moment he put his hand on Dean's shoulder, this one turned back and, with all his strength, sent him to the other side of the room.

- Boy! Crowley yelled. I said, enough!

- And who are you to give me orders? The demon replied.

- I am your king.

For a second Dean seemed to hesitate and lowered the blade.

- Drop it, Crowley ordered.

The Winchester looked up at him, then back at Castiel. He spoke in his ear in a whisper:

- I can see your wings, you know? So white, so pure... Such a shame they are broken and folded. Wouldn't you like me to help you get rid of this last feather? Don't you want me to shorten your suffering?

Even before the angel could begin to talk, Dean stabbed him. The blade traveling deep into his shoulder. The pain was so unbearable that this time, Castiel could not help uttering a rending cry.

He could almost feel his grace leaving his body by his opened wound. If he didn't do anything, and fast, he would die in less time than it took to say. He saw Crowley catch Dean's arm and push him away. Sam reached Cas and managed to take off the blade from the angel's shoulder. The weapon was pulled out slowly and the blood kept running from his wound that wouldn't heal. Castiel fell in Sam's arms, feeling so weak his legs couldn't carry him anymore.

- Cas... Sam stuttured. It's alright, it's alright...

The angel knew it wasn't and the Winchester kept saying that because he knew it too.

- It's gonna be okay, you'll do just fine, he repeated.

Castiel felt like an entire army was extracting his grace, from every side of his body. He focused on his heart beats and managed to calm them down. Then, he found some willing back and leaned against the wall, still holding firm his bleeding shoulder. Sam turned around when he heard Dean protest loudly behind him.

- What did you do? Why did you do this to me?

The Winchester, surprised to see his brother found himself trapped in a demon trap, couldn't do much but look at Crowley with suspicion.

- I had to, in case you were incontrollable. And you are, the king of Hell answered.

The demon growled furiously and Crowley added:

- Moose, you should lock him up in the bunker for a while. Like that, he'll might be able to soothe a little.

This idea seemed to sound good to Sam's ears because he came back a minute later with the demon handcuffs.

After a lot of swearing, trashing and threats, Dean was finally tied up at the chair, shouting at Castiel, Sam and Crowley standing in front of him. They were going to leave the room when Dean's voice changed.

- Sammy... What's happening? Why am I here? Don't leave me!

This words rammed the youngest brother like a tank and he hesitated. Crowley shook his head and Sam continued to move. The speech he used for Castiel, though, froze him on the spot.

- Sammy? Why are you doing this? Cas... Cas you know me. You know I would never hurt you... After everything we've been through. Please, please, I beg you, come back to me, you can't leave me here. Man... I need you.

The angel made the fatal mistake to turn and he met Dean's sweet green eyes. They were as perfect as he remembered. The look _his _hunter was giving him made him melt. He looked so desperate, so lost and confused, he had to refrain himself not to rush to him, untying him in the minute.

- Hey, dummy, Crowley rebuked him, you are not **that **stupid, are you?

Castiel barely moved and tried to extirpate his eyes from Dean's gaze. Sam pulled him gently.

- Come on... Cas he stays here, he's not going anywhere. If Dean's still inside him he'll understand.

The angel left the room with Sam and Crowley, establishing a mental ear covering, so he wouldn't have to hear the demon's insults toward him.

He just had one hope left, that he would be able to find Dean, whatever the way, if he found his grace back. Once he explained to Sam that he had to go back at the angels base to interrogate Metatron about the location of his grace, he had him promise that he would leave Dean alone and wouldn't try to bring him back.

- You sure you'll be alright? Sam worried. Your grace it's... Fading and you're dying...

- I'm fine, Castiel assured. Once I'll have my true grace back, I'll be able to help and everything will go back to normal.

He truly wanted to believe that and tried to persuade himself.

- Don't you want me to come with you?

- I can do this Sam, this is not hard.

- Yeah, but you don't have much time. He sighed. Be careful okay? Take care of yourself, you're the only family I have left.

With a short brotherly hug, they said goodbye.

The angel drove way faster to go back than he did to come, as much as his injured shoulder permitted him. When he arrived, he ran through the base, not caring the questions the angels could have for him, decided to obtain from Metatron what he was meant to have and ordered to his ancient followers to leave him alone with him.

- Oh, so you came back? The scrible gloated. Just in time for the end of the story.

- What the hell are you talking about? Castiel got worked up, breathless.

He was weaker and weaker every second, he could barely stand. He had to rest on the bars of the cell. Seeing the angel's state, a big smile stretched Metatron's lips and he said, darkly:

- Like I said, the end. You're not going to like it, it never ends well for villians. You die.

- I know, I don't care, Castiel ignored him. I want to know where you've hidden my grace.

- Oh right, because all you care about is Dean Winchester. He is **dead**, get over it.

- My **grace**, the angel insisted.

- Oh I forgot to tell you, I thought I wouldn't have to make you go through that much, I was supposed to kill you, you see? But he is even worse than that.

- I know what he is, I asked you my GRACE, Castiel ended up screaming.

- Do you know _where _he is, though?

Tired, angry and sad, Castiel didn't think about what he did. He opened Metatron's jail and entered like a whirlwind inside, putting his angel blade against the scribe's neck. He didn't seem to worry much and, with an horrible smirk, he finished:

- Alone and frighten, stranded in the veil.

Castiel never thought he could feel worse than he already did. Metatron just proved him wrong.

**If you have any comment or want to tell me what you thought about it, just leave a review! It's always hugely appreciated!**


	3. Chapter 3 The Veil's vision

**Hi there dear readers!**

**First, I'd want to thank you for being so perfect, for the advices you've been given to me, the reviews and the follows!**

**Then, I want to apologize because I'm late (shame on me, it's only the third chapter .) but the next chapter is almost written already so it should come really fast, don't worry!  
This one is shorter than the previous one but in one or two chapters, you'll have another biiig one.**

**Another big thanks to my dear Beta Reader Cécilia! :)  
That's it, thank you again, once again I'm sorry for the delay, enjoy!  
Oh, and don't forget to tell me what you thought again and what is wrong/right, your tips help me more than anything!**

Castiel clenched his teeth, Metatron was lying, he just wanted to hurt him, make him go out of control. What he just did. The scribe lighted his face with a big smile and added:

- Do you want me to show you?

Before he could have thought about it, Metatron laid two fingers on his forehead.

Everything went fast, he just had a flash, something really transient.

_Dean was there, leaned against a wall, out of breath. When Castiel looked in his eyes, he did not see the darkness which had came inside him since his death. Somehow, what he saw was even worse because it was an attitude he wasn't used to see on Dean. His gaze was completely filled by fear and despair. He wanted to talk to him, to reassure him, to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. Although, he quickly noticed the words which came out of his mouth could not be heard and that his body could not touch anything. The angel understood he never had wanted anything more than to hold him, to make him feel safe and to have this look of terror in his eyes disappear forever. He watched closely, monitoring every move he made.  
Dean held a gun in his right hand, he looked like he had ran for hours, he rested on the wall like he wanted to be a part of it, like he hoped he could melt in. Castiel couldn't know what he was hiding from, or why he had ran, so frighten. The only thing he knew was that if he found out what scared him, he would make whatever this might be pay for that. He heard a groan, something which looked like a word but couldn't be understood and he saw Dean tightening his grip on his weapon, a lightning of fright passed through his eyes. His hunter -because the man who was in front of him was **his hunter**, and not a demon freak- held his breath. Castiel realized he had stopped breathing in the same time than he had._

_Dean seemed to see something awful, something which froze him on spot. The angel could read on his face that he was trying his best to be strong and hold on. When he muttered between his teeth, Cas could barely recognize his voice, transformed by abhorrence._

_- Fucking Christ... Cas, Sammy, where the hell are you men?_

_What was left of Castiel's heart broke into tiny pieces when he heard him say his name with so much frailness.  
Dean jumped on the side, avoiding something from his left. His eyes opened even wider and he seemed agape with incredulity. A moan of horror ran out of his lips and he stepped back, just starting to run. He rushed, like the Devil himself, or worse, was after him, holding back a scream._

The vision stopped, sending him back to Metatron's cage, his enemy laughing victoriously.

- So, did you like it?

- N... No, you can't... You son of... Castiel tried to swear. Send me back! Let me help him!

The ex-god shook his head, still cheerful.

- You can't, I can't. He's dying, you're dying. Even if it's not the end I was expecting, I finally can finish my story. And it ends here, Cas, your grace just... Pfft, disappears. Dean's here to follow you though, even if you'll never find him because the two of you are just gonna vanish in the universe.

Castiel managed to calm down.

- Nothing is true in what you've showed me, it only was a vision, nothing more.

- Like the vision I made for you with Gabriel? It's always based on true events. Trust me or not, I don't care, the fact is that I am an angel, you're not. I can see what's really going on, the Veil turned into something horrible, and every single soul trapped in there was sent to Heaven. All, but one. Because your Human is fighting for his life and if he fails... He will die and you'll never heard of him again, his soul will decay. You know what will remain though...

- The demon he has became... Castiel whispered. What... What could I do to help...

The angel stopped, realizing he had became so desperate that he was begging his enemy, the responsible of it all to help him.

- Oh, Metatron exclaimed, there is nothing you can do my little Cas, and this time your good looks won't be of any rescue. Why would I help you? Everything I wanted is happening and your sad ending will be my happy one.

Castiel pressed more strongly his blade against the scribe's neck, on the verge to cry or yell, he didn't really know.

- Send him back to me! He ordered. Send him back or I swear...

He was cut off by an horrible coughing, so violent he had to back away. When he put a hand in front of his mouth, it came back red of blood. His legs shook, he fell on his knees and for a moment, he was completely blind. He was dying, it was only a matter of time before his last breath leave his body. He heard Metatron snigger of triumph and he knew that he would not have enough time to find his grace. He would not be able to do anything for Dean because he was going to die, alone, in a cage which wasn't his.

- He has to be rescued by an angel, too bad you're not one, right? Metatron said. I want you to die with something in mind. _Villains don't get happy endings. _Especially the handsome ones. Dean's world is crumbling and there's no one to build him an exit. Your world is crumbling because you are loosing _him. _Plus, you never were able to tell him how you felt about him... It has to feel terrible.

Pushed by an impulse of pure rage, Castiel jumped on him with his last strengths.

- I should have killed you a long time ago, he admitted.

He saw Metatron's face fall apart, he'd never heard a voice so cold. The angel had put every bad thing happening to the world against him, and the fallen angel standing in front of him was no more the kind little Castiel, easy to defeat. The scribe attacked the thing he cared the most about in the entire world, and it could make any man become mad. Three angels stormed into the room, and Metatron tried to call them for help. Castiel caught him, and, with an infinite slowness, he started to plunge his blade in his stomach. The ex-god's mouth fell from surprise and fear.

- **Look at me.**

Castiel's words were terrifying, he never, in his all life, and he had lived for billions of years, heard something so cold and sharp. Even in the huge ammount of books he had read, nothing was comparable. When he reached his eyes though, he saw all the hatred of the world turned against him.

- Stop! The angels tried to command.

But Castiel would not listen, he sank the weapon into the scribe, wanting him to die slow and hurt. With a white flash, Metatron's grace left his body, and he fell in Castiel's arms.  
The angel pushed him away with disgust, then he fell on the other side too. He had trouble breathing, it was the end and he could feel it. The angels who came to help reunited around him.

- Look! One of them exclaimed.

From Meatron's opened mouth, a shiny white cloud escaped. The angels felt it immediately, it was Castiel's grace. The scribe had kept it inside of him because he knew that Castiel would never be strong enough to kill him, and it made the angel feel even guiltier and stupid.  
When his grace returned in him, he felt all the power he once had and something in him disappeared. When he got up, he realized his wounds were healed, he didn't feel weak anymore and the pain Dean's loss had made him feel was far more bearable. His sadness and fear, in the opposite, were still here. He had hoped becoming an angel again could make him feel less, that he would return to what he once was, an obeissant soldier who didn't have to feel to follow. But he still felt, and the part of humanity he had obtained this last year remained in him. Nothing would never be the same. Without Dean with him, there wasn't any point. He already had taken a decision,and nothing on Earth would stop him. His grace had been given back to him only for one reason and would not serve to anything else than his plan.  
For almost an hour, he had to deal with the angels' confusion about why he had killed Metatron. But he didn't care anymore, he didn't have to care, he would soon not be considered as a member of their family anymore. He was running out of time, he had to hurry, he could not let Dean any longer in this veil. Once Castiel had say his goodbyes, he told his ex-followers that he had to go somewhere and would certainly not be back in a long time.  
Leaving the building which had served of lair for his family after The Fall, he headed toward a very specific direction. He was going to a crossroad.


	4. Chapter 4 The Deal

**Again, I want to thank you all for your amazing reviews/follows/favorite and I promise that the next chapter is going to be muuuuuch longer, with a lot of action and finally some Destiel from the two sides :P  
Thanks to my fellow Beta Cécilia, this chapter is now in front of you!**

**Enjoy!**

A feathery breeze was blowing in Castiel's hair when he burried the little box containing a picture of him in the middle of a road. The fact was that he couldn't feel it like he used to, all trace of humanity had left him and he just regretted the pleasure some little and simple things could bring. He figured that none of it would matter, anyway. If he was lucky enough, he could feel again soon. He stood up and looked for someone. Nobody was there, and the silence was almost unbearable. The dark night and the cold wind created a strange atmosphere, almost mythique or haunted, he couldn't really tell. He jumped when someone said loudly behind him:

- Looking for something, angel?

A young woman was standing in front of him, watching him carefuly with red eyes. He kept quiet, he had the feeling his throat twisted, turning him mute. What he was about to do was so wrong, he knew it, but he couldn't help himself. He didn't really care about the consequences his actions could have, as long as they were on him.

- Is this some kind of trick? The demon asked. Because if it is, this is the most cowardly and petty way to trap one of us. We _have to_ come here when we are summoned and no one wanted to come. I'm new, I had to go, it's unfair.

The angel shook his head, closing his eyes with a sigh.

- Nothing like that... I came because I need you to help me.

- How's that? You're an angel of the Lord, you're the great Castiel, you can't be serious.

- I am. I need you to take Dean Winchester's soul out of the Veil, I need you to exterminate the demon in his body.

She started to laugh uncontrollably. Then, seeing Castiel seemed really serious about it, she stopped, turning back at him.

- Of course! Because it's our job to pull people out of a nasty place! Sorry, you have me confused with one of your kind. Even if I had the power to do such thing, could you please, explain why I'd do it?

- I... The angel started. I would do anything... I'm ready to make a deal. Whatever you want.

Her face froze with stupefacion, was he really proposing what she thought he was?

- You would...

- I'd sell my grace if I had to, yes.

She looked like she needed a moment to understand what was really happening. In the history of the Universe, it was the first time something like that happened. It was the deal of a lifetime, even better. She tried to go back at her state of bargainer.

- I'm afraid your grace won't be enough. I need a huge quantity of power and I can't really bring him back.

- What can you do then? Castiel asked with concern.

- Send you with him. This is not a safe place though, and I can't predict what's gonna happen down here or what effects it could have when you'll come back. _If you come back... _Your coming will open a portal, you'll have twenty four hours to take it, then it will disappear. Don't do it and you'll be stuck.

- What do you need, then?

- When I'll have taken your grace from you, you'll be human and have a soul. I want it too.

The angel nodded, he wasn't there to negociate, he was ready to sacrifice every valuable thing he could possibly have.

- The power you'll give me won't follow you in the Veil you know, she added. If you've gotta save this human you care so much about, you've gotta do it being human too.

- I can do it, just give me a chance, Castiel begged.

- I can't give you long either... She continued. It would be too dangerous for me.

- What do you mean? How long do I have?

- Once you have sold your grace and soul to me, after you came back from the Veil you'll have seven days. I can't tell what's gonna happen if you die in there, so let's assume you'll come back. I know one thing though, if Dean Winchester dies in the Veil, he'll die for good and no one will ever be able to find him, not even God.

Castiel felt worse every second, this plan was pretty hopeless and meant to fail. If she lied, Dean and him would both be stucked in the Veil or would die there. If there wasn't any portal to come home, if he died here, if she didn't send him where she said she would... Nobody knew what could happen.

- Do we have a deal? She questionned.

- Yes.

- Let's seal it then.

She approached and grabbed his neck, pressing her lips on his. He didn't like it, he knew there was no way he could have enjoyed it, because he didn't like this person. Then, he felt his power leaving him but he still had strength. A different kind of strength though. For the first time, he almost felt alive, but something, or _someone_, was missing in his heart, preventing him from enjoying the feeling of the air on his face, the smell of nature, the noises of night, the caress of life. He was fully and completely human again and it reminded him how much he had liked it in the beginning, when he still had the hope he could live with Sam and Dean, all he had to do was to go to them. But, he also remembered how much he had hated it when he had been betrayed by April and experienced moral and physical pain, or when Dean told him he couldn't stay with him. At first, he did not understand and his ignorance was a remain of his celestial life. His humanity had swept it away violently.  
His eyes still closed, he saw the last part of him fly away. She had just stolen his soul and, even if he was still himself, he felt empty, like something was missing. When she pulled away, some kind of pression fell on his shoulder and by instinct, he could have told what it was. It was the weight of time. It was getting heavier when it was running out, and he only had seven days left.  
The angel was sad but had found some hope back, maybe he could at least see his human once again, even if it was the last time. The demon had a hard time restraining a smile.

- You ready to go? I don't even know how it is down there, I've heard it's awful though, I can't even assure you he's still alive. But you were willing to take the risk so, so be it.

Castiel, as an answer just looked at her, waiting for her to move. She made a circle with her right arm and the ground cracked, an hole opened in the middle of the crossroad, attracting every piece of life on the edge. The angel couldn't fight, he was snapped up and thrown in the dark pit.  
He fell, he yelled, tried to open up his wings, wanted to fly, but he didn't have wings anymore.  
He just continued on falling for so long, he lost the count of time.

_Rebecca was drowning in happiness. She couldn't even imagine the effects her deal with Castiel would have, because it was the very first time an angel made a deal with a demon, all that to save one human._  
_It didn't take long since absolutly everyone in Hell knew what was going on, the word was spread and everyone waited for the seven days to elapse with impatience. Rebecca, the demon who made the deal had became really powerful and respected, in a very few time, she was considered as a leader. Most of demons thought she was better than Crowley, because she had the guts to finally get Castiel when Crowley seemed to have forgotten the way the ex-angel had treated him and wasn't even able to kill a Winchester. Worse, he had turned one into a knight of Hell._  
_For every single demon in Hell or on Earth, it was a dream becoming true. They were going to have an angel in Hell, one who killed too many of them. They were going to be able to hurt him, a lot, and forever. Because this angel wasn't any angel, it was Castiel. And no one was hated more than Castiel in Hell, except maybe Dean Winchester._  
_Because this angel had rescued their favorite toy and took him from them, because he had killed many of them, because he had corrupted and seduced two of them and because he had helped stopping the Appocalypse or torturing many of their kind, he was blamed._  
_And he was going to pay for that._

**This one's short I give you that, sorry, but I SWEAR that the next one will catch up ;)  
Leave a comment about your thoughts about it, it would be really appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5 A dangerous trip

**Hi there! For once, I'm not late (not really, it's only 11:55pm here)  
****So once again, I wanted to thank you, all of you who are reading/following/favoriting and even reviewing my story because I don't think you know how much this means to me. I could never thank you enough, you're amazing guys! (don't let anyone tell you otherwise)**  
**So no, I'm not trying to get myself forgiven for what I've written and for how sadder and worse it's going to be... No not really :P**  
**Anyway, I want to thank my Beta Cécilia who helped me one more time (she's awesome, isn't she?) and Clémence, my best friend thanks to whom this chapter is now in front of you.**  
**As promised, it's longer! I hope the next one will be long as well, even if it's a little shorter ^^**  
**Enjoy! (Again, I'm sorry... **No I'm not** :P)**

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He waited for it, the moment to run away. Dean took a deep breath and held his gun tighter, he had four more bullets in it. After this, he'd be dead. He was there since almost two days and he felt like his life was flying away from him. Every minute spent in this place weakened him and he almost lost the hope to find a way out.

How the hell was he supposed to fight for his life if there was nothing to fight for?

- Fuck... He swore, more for himself than for the horde behind him.

He was hidden between a wall and stairs but he knew this couldn't last long. He was alone, terrified, even if he would rather die than admit it and he didn't have the strength to fight anymore. Nobody was there to give him force. He had prayed for Castiel for almost four hours without interruption but he didn't answer. Maybe wasn't he able to hear him anymore. Worse, maybe his angel was dead, maybe his grace faded entirely. There was no way he could reach Sam either. His little brother Sammy he had left alone when he promised he would always protect him.  
The hunter looked at the sky with a sad face. It was grey and empty, as usual. Except maybe that every day that went by, the universe became a little darker. He knew that when this world would be completely black, he would die and nothing would be left of him. He didn't know how he knew that, he just did.

- Come on, he said to give himself some courage, you're the fucking Dean Winchester, you can't give up. Not now... Not after all of that.

On this words, he jumped out of his stash and started to run, not turning around to check if he was followed. He felt he was. Not only because he heard the "men" groan, but because something colder was after him, something worse than Death itself.  
Suddenly, something changed in the sky and a terrifying flash of lightning teared it apart. Everything went purple. Not a bright and glowing purple, but a heavy and gloomy colour which reminded the aspect of the canopy of Heaven before a giant storm. It reminded Dean the Appocalypse. Something fell from the lightning but it was so dark he couldn't see what, though it was close. A very loud thunder resounded and most of the creatures behind him stepped back.  
The Winchester didn't know if it was a portal, if it was meant to bring him home or what but he had to take a look, this could be his only chance. After a few minutes of intense running, he arrived at the place. The fall of the thing had induced a huge cloud of dust and he still could not determinate what was in the middle of it. He looked behind him, making sure he had a comfortable advance on his followers and headed toward the form on the ground, putting a hand in front of his mouth to breath more easily. Through the mist, he recognized a human's silhouette and he didn't know what to think about this anymore. He may have gained an ally or he may have gained an enemy, and he had hoped it to be a way for his freedom. He was wrong all the way.  
Then, he could see his face. And every single part of his body stopped working. From his brain to his legs, passing by his heart. His eyes were closed, he seemed peaceful, he was covered in dirt but he was the most beautiful vision Dean had the privilege to see since his arrival here, though the most heartbreaking. He fell on his knees, cupping the pale face of the man in his hands and whispered with a broken voice:

- Cas...

Dean never would have thought he'd find him here, he never even had thought someone would come to find him. He felt guilty. What if he had heard his prayers after all and did everything to come here? What if he died by his fault? What if he was _already _dead? Taken by a sudden fear he started to shake Castiel's shoulder, repeating his name over and over. He passed a hand through his angel's messy hair and begged:

- Please, man you can't do that... Wake up, please!

His heart started to beat again when Castiel moaned and turned his head on the side, frowning. He prevented himself from slapping him, because he blamed him for the fright he had caused him. Instead, he hoisted him and took him in his arms. He certainly hugged him too strongly because Cas coughed.  
- I thought I had told you not to do that again, he rebuked him. You scared the hell out of me!

- Sorry Dean... Castiel muttered.

The hunter realized his angel was crying, his tears were rolling all over his face.

- Hey, hey it's okay, Dean tried to reassure him while he wiped the tears from his cheeks. I didn't want to be mean, I'm happy to see you, really really hap...  
He was cut off by Castiel who grabbed his collar and burried his face in Dean's shoulder, sobbing.

- I know... I know Dean... It's just... I never thought I would see you again and... I'm so happy Dean...

- Shh, shh, the Winchester soothed, holding Castiel's head with his right hand.

The hunter hid it but he felt really uncomfortable with the situation. He tried to convince himself that it was because they were in danger and really didn't have time for crying moments. The fact was that he'd never seen Cas cry and it made him sad, he looked so fragile, so young, so... human. He felt really strange about it, and it wasn't the only reason. Having him so close, so broken, but with him right now... It made him feel something and he couldn't exactly tell what. It was something he fought from the beginning because come on... He wasn't supposed to feel that way but, in a matter of fact, he did. He closed his eyes and heaved a sigh, only because he couldn't shake his head because of the crying angel in the curve of his neck. _Come on, what am I thinking? There isn't any doubt, I don't feel that way, that's it._ Nevertheless, the proximity of Castiel was indeed making him uncomfortable but it felt good too, it felt _easy_. That's why he let go, just for this time, he tried to convince himself. After all, he had no worries to have, he was Dean Winchester, he hated chick flick moments and he certainly didn't swing that way. However, he preferred push Castiel away after a while, just to make sure. His teary deep blue eyes, his soft tight pale lips, his dirty disheveled black hair... Dean had to admit, he was cute. _At least. _He bit his tongue, what on Earth was he thinking about? Lost in his thoughts he almost forgot that he was hunted. When he heard growls though, he put himself together and reacted. He stood up and grabbed Castiel's arm.

- Come on Cas, we gotta go, they're close.

The angel looked up at him, anxiously and interrogating.

- Who's after you Dean?

_Damn it. _He didn't have time to answer that, he didn't really know himself, or he tried to ignore knowing it. He pulled him up and, making sure nobody was behind them, rushed with him towards a place he didn't even know. It had been like that for two days now, he kept running from place to place, exactly like he did with his father and his brother from motel to motel, always on a different hunt. Except that this time, it was different, he didn't know where he was going, he was the one hunted and Sammy wasn't there. He ran from something he didn't even understand, by instinct, because he just feared it. Castiel, at first had some hard time following him because he was going too fast. Dean tried to make him keep pace by taking his hand and pulling him. _Oh Jesus, this is so fuckin' gay! _Dean thought, afraid by the fact that Castiel's hand in his was warm and reassuring. Something fast moved at his left, just beside the angel. The hunter deviated him from the trajectory of the attack, putting himself between the danger and Cas. He picked up his gun and, without taking much time to aim at the target, he pulled the trigger. An horrible disfigured face appeared in the fog of dust and Dean's heart skipped a beat. Castiel noticed Dean's worried look and followed his eyes, so he saw it too. His mouth fell opened as the terror replaced the peace in his eyes he'd carried since his arrival. The monster tried to reach out the angel as the bullet Dean had shot made a hole in his head. The creature was swallowed by the haze and the two men could hear the caracteristic thud of a body hitting the ground. While Castiel almost stopped his running from incredulity and shock, Dean grabbed him firmly and said authoritatively:

- For God's sake Cas what are you waiting for? We can't stay here!

- I don't think God has anything to do with all this, commented the angel with his usual naivety.

Right, so this man was the only one who could make him smile in a place like that, it was good to know. Dean didn't spare him though and encouraged him to go on. When they made it out of the dirt's cloud, it became clear that they weren't alone. There were so many _almost-human-things _around them that Dean suddenly doubted of his ability for surviving. He remembered he only had three bullets left. He wanted at least Castiel to make it, and he didn't mind wasting this bullets for him. Unfortunately, they didn't stand a chance in this situation, no matter how hard they wanted to live.

- Dean... The angel began. This people are infected by the Croatoan virus, right? What are they doing here?

The Winchester shook his head, he had no idea, not really. Well, of course he had heard things about the death's experience in which you see something you're scared of, but he didn't really believe this bullshit... Did he? Why would he be afraid of Croats anyway? _Maybe because of this vision I had about 2014, _he thought. He closed his eyes for a few seconds, trying to figure things out. Deep down, he knew why he was frighten. He knew it was because this vision he had became his worst nightmare, because Sam wasn't with him and because this future Castiel wasn't _his Castiel _and he was the one who broke him and sent him to his death.

- We need to move, Dean, the angel reminded him.

The group was getting closer and they looked blood's thirsty. Dean showed Castiel the corner of a street with a movement of his head. Silently, they ran to the place indicated and Dean pushed Cas against the wall. The angel almost uttered an exclamation of surprise but Dean signed to be quiet. They were hidden in the shadow of the tumbledown building in front of them and Dean assumed – and hoped – that no one could see them. If anyone saw them, they were screwed. They couldn't run because the street Dean had leaded them into was a dead end, and the hunter was already really near the wall in his back. A Croat passed by, walking by limpings, his head up to smell the odor of life. It brushed Castiel's trench coat and stopped. It seemed completely mindless, and blind, because even though it looked in their way it didn't see them. The thing must have smelled them nonetheless, because it took a step forward. Dean leaned against the wall in his back, pushed himself as much as he could, gently pulling Castiel backwards with him. The angel emitted a little complaint of terror and the Croat looked at him without seeing him. It came at him and Dean pressed the angel against him, for him not to be in the freak's way anymore. Castiel started to breath quickly and irregularly, scared to death. Their follower growled as he approached. Why was Cas terrified like this? He was an angel of the Lord, nothing could kill him – almost. Dean had to calm him down, right now. The tension was becoming unbearable and the danger kept growing. Seeing Castiel like that made something to him and he felt the urge to comfort him and put him in safety. He placed a hand on the angel's mouth to keep every possible scream inside and whispered so softly to his ear, because he didn't want to be heard by the Croat, that he wasn't sure his friend heard him himself.

- It's gonna be okay Cas, I promise.

It helped him somehow, having to reassure someone else than himself. Castiel's breath slowed down and he closed his eyes. The hunter passed a solaced hand in the angel's dirty disheveled hair to soothe him. Maybe it was way too gay for him but right now, he didn't care. Everything that mattered was Castiel and his safety. _This is the end of the world and I think about the gay stuff I'm doing? What the hell's wrong with me? _From this moment, he decided he didn't care, because Castiel may be a dude, he had never loved someone like that. Nobody was there to complain, and he didn't have to be afraid of his own feelings, they had far enough things to worry about. He was done, done denying everything because it didn't feel _right _to some people. It felt really _right_ to him, calming, easy, and they were alone here so who cared?  
The Croat finally decided there was nothing for him here and walked away. Dean sighed and released Castiel. The angel relaxed and leaned against his hunter, this moment was short though because three more Croats entered the dead end and Castiel immediately tensed. Panicking, the Winchester tried to find a way out, they couldn't hide anymore, they would be detected. He marched along the wall behind him and got closer to the main street where they would be able to run. Castiel followed him, taking his hand to keep himself calm. When Dean thought they were going to make it, one of their enemies rumbled harder and jumped at them.

- **Run, Dean! **Castiel ordered with a powerful voice, making the three croats turn at him.

The angel let go of his hand and pushed him outside their trap.

- No! Dean protested with despair.

The Croat grabbed Castiel and scratched his arm badly, the angel fought back for a minute but another creature attacked him, making him fall on the ground.

- **NO! **The hunter repeated with even more horror in his voice.

He caught one of the monster's shoulders and pulled it away from his angel. Castiel had started to scream of pain and kept yelling at him to get the hell out of here, but Dean would not listen. How could he? He wasn't leaving without him. Not this time. The winchester could not see what these freaks were doing to him because the three of them were now on him and kept him down, scratching, biting and tearing apart. Other Croats, alerted by the screams and the growls were coming right at them. Dean took a second to think and he decided that he had to put everything he had on the game. _Three Croats, three bullets. _Three deafening shots were heard in the silent ghost town, three bodies fell on the ground. Dean's hand was trembling and he could barely hold the gun, in front of him, Castiel was lying, bloody and out of breath. Dean's lips opened to let a moan escape, and he realized he was crying, as tears tasted salty in his mouth. He didn't want to check on his angel because he knew it was bad. He wanted him to get up and tell him he was alright and that they could find a way back together. He wanted _time._ He just... He didn't have enough time, he wished he had. Monsters were getting closer but Dean didn't care, he didn't care about anything but Castiel. He reached him and crouched next to him. There was an opened wound on his right shoulder, right before his neck, and he was loosing too much blood. He touched his arm with kindness and asked slowly:

- Can you walk?

The angel was looking at him with sadness and regret, and the hunter didn't know why. There was also a glimpse of care in his gaze.

- Cas come on, you've gotta heal, and fast! Dean insisted, knowing inside of him that something changed with his angel from the minute he arrived.

- I can't...

His voice was so broken, low and weak... Dean had to take upon himself not to cry even more.

- Why?

His own tone wasn't better, almost a breath, it was full of fear and panic, because what he was the most afraid of at the moment, was to lose him.

- I... I am no angel...

Was it him or his voice was getting weaker? No, it had to be him, Cas was tough, he wasn't going to let this bring him down.

- Listen, we've gotta get the hell outta here! And I'm not leavin' you behind again, not this time.

The hunter ignored on purpose what Castiel had told him, because he didn't want to hear it, he wanted to believe everything would be fine.

- If there was a way in, there's gotta be a way out, Dean added.

- The portal I came from, Cas answered. It was supposed to... Bring us back home... It did not...

- Maybe it moved, we'll find it.

- Dean... You know it did not move...

The Winchester swallowed his tears, he had to keep hope, for them, for both of them.  
He noticed with the corner of his eye that the Croats were more numerous and almost trapped them in the dead end. Quickly, Dean wrenched the sleeve his shirt and did the best he could to apply it on Cas's wound for it to stop bleeding so much. He made him a makeshift bandage and jumped in the street where the monsters were gathering. He gave a wide berth to the place where Castiel was and started yelling, flapping his arms above his head.

- Come here ya sons of bitches! Yeah, that's right, ain't you all dickbags? Go ahead, come on, I'm waiting for ya, bastards!

When the Croats ran towards him, he sprinted as fast as he could, walking around them, avoiding them and got to his angel. He put his arm on his shoulder and supported him by the waist. He had cleared the path, just enough for them to get out of this crap. Castiel wasn't really helping though, he couldn't walk and the Croats were regaining ground on them. Dean decided to stop and took the angel on his back, sustaining his legs. They had lost their advance but at least now, they were going faster.

- Dean... Castiel complained in his ear. It hurts.

The hunter clenched his teeth, they had to make it alive, Cas had to hold on.

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**So right, now I think I can say I'm sorry because you may already now what's coming next...**  
**Anyway, I'd like you to leave me a review to tell me your thoughts :) That would make me really happy (as much as Burgers and Dean make Cas happy :P)**  
**See you next week (wednesday I hope) for the chapter 6!**


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